Political Satire and Humour | UK Department of Social Scrutiny

The Government's programme of National ID Cards will require a series of application forms to administer and these are being rolled out page-by-page over the coming months.

This the first form in the series: About You - D05513r (PDF) (also available as a gif ).

This revolutionizes matter-of-fact claimant oppression in the style of it's predecessor - the 4 page claim form for Surveillance Benefit - (PDF) from 2003.

Using statistical analysis techniques has never felt so much like brute force before.

Part 2 - About your ethical standpoint

About Your Ethical Standpoint - 37h1c5 (PDF) (also available as a gif ) carries on the themes of matter-of-fact claimant oppression explored in the first volume, but now adds psychometric auditing and IF/NOT WHY/NOT error loops to field equations in a number of tick boxes.

Improved stealth question technology means virtual transparency to the applicant, with the only side-effect reported as being a medium-to-heavy "hammering" sensation in the base of the brain.

The form also features a tightly guarded Office Use Only panel with an integrated play area for officials.

Part 3 - Your Biometric Data

The third part of the Government's campaign of ID card application form.

Your Biometric Data - 810m37r1c5 (PDF) (also available as a gif ) incorporates new scientific technology to facilitate paper-based Iris Recognition and DNA collection.

Claimants downloading the PDF and GIF versions may need to add Biometrics Plug-ins to their browsing software and purchase a new enzyme-catalysis print cartridge.

The form features a night-vision Office Use panel with integrated CCTV monitoring.

Part 4 - About Your Majesty, Ma'am

The fourth part of the Government's Identity Card Application Form is designed for members of the Royal Family.

About Your Majesty, Ma'am incorporates a new paper-based method of prostrating yourself at the feet of the Monarch and inviting her to kick out your teeth in the most seemly and majestic fashion possible.

The form follows all nine guidelines for etiquette, including a method of laying Silver Service to seventeen decimal places - a technique handed down by the experts who also taught the Royal Family to sit and talk as though they were undergoing a particularly nasty haemorrhoidectomy.