At DoSS, we are always interested in your opinions and would normally just log them
automatically via your phone and email as well as microphones attached to the back
of your fridge and the rectum of your dog (see reception diagram, right).

However, if you really feel you need to contact us, just leave a note on the windscreen of the unmarked Transit Van that has been parked in your road for the last week.

For details of ways to reach us that don't involve a twenty pound lump-hammer through your letterbox at 3am, please see below.

Emergency Contact Procedure

If the matter is urgent, we suggest you shout "Bin Laden" during the course of any UK phone call, and a small group of our representatives will call on you in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Contacting Us By Email 

Since last year, The Government has been actively working in a public-private partnership to facilitate a forward-looking policy of instituting inclusive and bilateral electronic communications. We hope to be able to collect our email by 2010.

In the meantime, please use the thingy below to send us a BT Happygram. It cost $4 million.