Can you tell me a little bit about the DoSS website?
Where does all the money go?
You've mentioned chairs twice. How come?
In our full accounts, the additional office chair is balanced on the credit side by the presence of a chair fashioned from anti-matter. If we were to show both the chair and the anti-chair on the same graph the damage to the pie chart would be colossal.
The graph only adds up to 80%. How come?
Oh, it's you again. This is a bug in your web browser that is unable to handle modern accounting, particularly the new technique of bent numbers ï the practise of plotting four different axes onto a three dimensional graph on a two dimensional surface. The accountant bends two copies of the graph and plots points using polarised light and a pair of specially adapted cheap sunglasses.
I have applied for a job with DoSS. How will I know whether my application was successful?
DoSS regularly communicates with its agents in the field via messages left in their household refuse. If you have not thought of going through your bin for secret mail from the Government, then we're sorry, you are simply too mentally stable to work for us. Thank you for your interest.
I'd like to write some favourable and compelling copy about DoSS. Where do I get your graphics from?
You can download both of our logos here.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]
Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]
New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]
HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]
Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]
Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]
Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]
Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]
The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]
"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]
About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]
New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]
K-ID Cards. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]
The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]
The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]
The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]
Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]
Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]
In Felicity Benefit [Read more]
For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.