The Department of Social Scrutiny

“ your statutory rights are non-effective ”

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K-ID Cards.

The Department of Social Scrutiny has unveiled the second part of its k-ID Card application form as part of its continuing committment to counter the growing problem of child identity fraud.

Last year, hundreds of children arrived at their schools only to find that adult imposters had completed their mathematics homework for them and their marks suffered as a result. Until now, teachers have only been legally allowed to spot-check the identity of their pupils by calling their name out as they throw whiteboard markers or best-practise teaching manuals at them. Now children can be scanned as they enter the classroom, using subcutaneous RFID chips or barcoded pencil cases.

ID Card satire

The new cards are intended to show entitlement to key children's services, such as disenfranchisement, loneliness and the right to be taunted over their choice of running shoes. They are launched later today with the memorable slogan Identity: Nobody Will Be Nobody Without It. Innit?

The form, which is to be completed by parents or legal guardians, is available now from DoSS offices, priced 330. The first part of the form can be found here.

Leaked by sources close to: Sir Edward Bicycle on June 09, 06 | 8:50 am

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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.