The Department of Social Scrutiny

“ your statutory rights are non-effective ”

The Previous Administration

The Previous Administration’s Complete Index is here

Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined

The Department of Social Scrutiny has unveiled new proposals to counter the growing and unspeakably wrong practise of child identity fraud.

Each year, hundreds of Britain's kids turn up to school to find their desk is taken by an adult pretending to be them. In many cases, the imposter has made convincing counterfeit copies of the child's only means of identification - a pencil case, packed lunch box or label sewn-in to the collar of their shirt, and teachers are unable to tell the difference.

These attempts to fraudulently obtain services reserved for children, including meals cooked by Jamie Oliver and Metalwork lessons, must not be allowed to continue. After experimenting briefly with other solutions, such as 128-bit encrypted pencil cases and spot-checking pupils on their knowledge of 1980s music in order to tease out the imposters, the department has settled on a programme of Identity Cards for Children. An application form containing further details is below.

Child Benefit

Leaked by sources close to: Sir Edward Bicycle on June 07, 06 | 10:03 am

 Send me feedback/contact me.
 Permanent link to this article
Custom Search


"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker

"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine

Other stories

How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]

Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]

New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]

HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]

Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]

Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]

Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]

Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]

The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]

"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]

About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]

New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]

K-ID Cards. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]

The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]

The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]

The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]

Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]

Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]

In Felicity Benefit [Read more]

For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.