As you would expect, your death creates a lot of important paperwork. This is because, even after you die, the Department of Social Scrutiny continues to work for you and may require information in order to help us help you help us.
This enables us to discharge certain formal duties in much the same way as you have recently discharged yourself. These duties have been sparked off by your death.
By “death”, we mean an eternal state of involuntary stillness. It commences with the visit of an anachronistic simile that alludes to a harvest – the Grim Reaper – and leads to either a blinding white light and a withered and rather embarrassed God, reincarnation or absolutely nothing at all.
In the case of reincarnation, even into a lower being such as a dung beetle, journalist or equivalent, you will be asked to repay immediately any In Felicity Benefit you may have claimed, by means of a direct debit by your karmic account bank manager.
In the case of arriving at nothing at all, please make sure you extinguish the blinding white light behind you so as not to disturb others who wish to continue not existing.
In case of finding a benevolent God, you may wish to raise some issues with It, after which you will be asked to fill out the form opposite and await the decision of the claimant advisor .
If you do not agree with the decision, you can appeal against it, using our Claimants’ Seance Procedure. Please make your presence felt at a DoSS office, and we will send all the details you need to your book of remembrance.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.