The Department of Social Scrutiny


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The Story of Alternative Britain.

An accident at the Central London Nuclear Research Facility in 1947 led to the discovery of six Alternate Britains, including one where the National Anthem is played on egg whisks and kazoos.

While testing a new building material - one of many in the 1940s formed by accelerating particles of bakelite and egg powder to the speed of light - scientists unwittingly introduced tiny errors into a Souffle field equation and opened a rare sub-atomic quantum peep hole. The hitherto unknown parallel world beyond the hole was later described as “a bit like Worthing, but without the attendant horrifying consequences”.

The discovery was seized upon, the outcome of the original egg and bakelite research - the shatterproof meringue motorway bridge - was completely overlooked as the development potential of one of the new alternate Britains became clear.

This alternate Britain is similar to the Britain we know in many respects, but with tiny differences that set it apart. For example, beer is slightly less malty and the pubs less smokey, while there is also a written constitution and High Street bakeries which sell cakes that are not disappointing in any way.

The plans to Alternate Britain were once top secret but, since the passing of the new Freedom of Information Act, we are required to tell you about these developments in great detail. Unfortunately, while the Official Secrets Act is still in force, you are prohibited from reading it. So look away now.

Leaked by sources close to: Sir Edward Bicycle on August 24, 05 | 1:50 pm

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