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2012: London Olympics to Introduce New Sports Events

 

Britain: What A State

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London Olympics officials have followed up their surprise bludgeoning of the French Olympics bid with the announcement of new, British-centred events at the East London games in 2012. The new competitions are said to include the following:

  • Olympic Urban Soap Opera
    An EastEnders Stadium event where the most demoralising, misanthropic storyline with gangland shootings, Christmas traumas and teenage pregnancy clinches the gold.
  • Olympic Marathon Relay Binge Drinking
    In which teams compete to become hopelessly drunk and antagonistic over a period of several hours. The winner is the first competitor to be found under a Westcountry bench wearing nothing but a piss-stained blazer and a traffic cone.
  • Olympic Losing
    A gold medal for the competitor who most heroically fails to live up to their early promise and nose-dives into oblivion from the jaws of success.

Leaked by sources close to: Sir Edward Bicycle on July 07, 05 | 1:00 am

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