Prime Minister Tony Blair is to delay the dissolution of Parliament this afternoon so that he can seek re-election not only for the Labour Government, but also as the head of the Catholic Church. The move is expected to lead to his eventual canonisation as St Imonious, Mekon of the Mekonta, Surveyor of All I Rule. The news comes as John Paul II steps down from Papastic duties to spend more time with his maker.
Blair's candidature for the Papal Election will be added to ballot papers for the May 5 General Election which, in accordance with US-backed laws quietly passed on a wet Tuesday afternoon, will be uncontested. While some are worried about the recent turn of events, Blair reassured voters it was the right thing to do. According to sources close to the voices in his head, the magical and synchronistic appearance of a ginger nut biscuit in the shape of a mitre convinced the PM to "give Pope a chance".
President Bush gave the new Pontiff his full blessification.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.