The four counties of East Anglia - Essex, Suffolk, Norfolk and Cambridgeshire - have applied for planning permission to radically enlarge, in what has become known as Project J-Lo - the big arsification of England.
Part of the Government's plans to build a million homes in the South East, Project J-Lo will quadruple the area of East Anglia by using land reclamation techniques pioneered by Dutch immigrant drainage engineers drawn by promises of cheap, strong marijuana and "open-minded" hookers supplied by rump factions of the Manpower Services Commission.
But critics are set to oppose plans they insist are part of a hidden agenda to make the far south of England perfectly symmetrical and push parts of Kent into an as yet unspecified Benelux nation. "These so-called people are bastards", said Asymmetrical Alliance leader, Grant Flag from his heavily fortified home on the Kent coast. "We see the arsification of East Anglia for what it is - an attempt to push Kent towards Europe in the cause of bureacratic symmetry."
The Government has made no secret of its symmetrical leanings. The Asymmetry of the UK is estimated to cost British taxpayers billions of pounds a month. Earlier this year, a Parliamentary Committee said planning costs could be halved by making the entire country symmetrical.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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