You know how it is.
It's going to be a busy day, your boss wants that Investors in People report on his desk by 10.00 tonight or it's bye-bye payrise and Hello Dolé.
You can't afford to be a vegetable today. After all, you don't work in the call centre any more.
In short, you've got a deadline and a flatline won't do.
Lucky for you that there's new formula COMASIP Intravenous Edition, a dizzying cocktail of ethically unsound chemicals and voodoo preparations designed to let you get on with your day - even if you are clinically deceased.
Just Add Saline
Simply leave instructions for your next-of-kin to sprinkle a sachet into your drip and wait for re-animation to occur. In no time you'll be back to work with absolutely no side effects*.
*Some dizziness, projectile vomiting and a kitten-like fascination with bright lights may occur. After two weeks, your colleagues may notice a faint aroma and persistent peripheral-vision hallucinations of a tall, hooded figure in black carrying a scythe.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]
New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]
HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]
Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]
Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]
Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]
Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]
The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]
"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]
About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]
New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]
K-ID Cards. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]
The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]
The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]
The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]
Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]
Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]
In Felicity Benefit [Read more]
For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.