The Department of Social Scrutiny

“ your statutory rights are non-effective ”

The Previous Administration

The Previous Administration’s Complete Index is here

Heatwave melts parts of UK website.

imageScientists at the London University of the Persistently Unknown have managed to successfully melt a website and associated documents for the very first time.

Professor Cromarty Reawla, best known for his experiments in Room Temperature Baking, has turned his attentions to the other end of the heat spectrum by concentrating the rays of the sun - during the current London heatwave - onto a folder of images and web pages.

"The PDF caught fire first, closely followed by the jpeg", said Reawla, gently fanning himself, "but the gif just sort of melted and sagged a bit, probably because of its Run Length Encoding and fixed palette. The php documents sizzled quietly, but the damage to the database puts it beyond repair."

Reawla has been suspended by the University pending a full examination of his levels of curiosity.

Reawla last came to prominence for his theories on Cold Baking. He found that forwarding a number of mathematical and philosophical proposals to a tray of uncooked pastries was enough to prove to them that heat was not an essential component of the baking process. Once one side of the equation was proven, he found it was necessary to balance the difficulty of the concept with an enormous amount of scientifically-weighed chutzpah.

Left: The molten gif

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on August 04, 04 | 12:37 pm

 Send me feedback/contact me.
 Permanent link to this article
Custom Search


"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker

"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine

Other stories

How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]

Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]

New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]

HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]

Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]

Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]

Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]

Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]

The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]

"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]

About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]

New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]

K-ID Cards. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]

The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]

The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]

The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]

Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]

Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]

In Felicity Benefit [Read more]

For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.