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Madonna adds further name to identity crisis.

Pop star Madonna is to add Polly as an official forename for her upcoming Re-Marketing Tour. The extra nomenclature has been adopted in light of the star's polymorphic beliefs, the latest of which - membership of the Celeberati, the Secretive Aristocratic Order of the Extremely Famous - has turned the weathered warbler's world inside out.

The Celeberati are said to believe in the modal dualities of Fame and Privacy and seek a divine lifestyle based on adulation from a great distance. Religious commentators regret to confirm that it is a far-from silent order.

Her full title will now be Our Lady Madonna, Polly Esther Riccioni, which will bring together her Italian Catholic roots, her interest in the Jewish Kabbala and her favourite form of exotic pasta, as well as the pliable, plastic contents of her soul.

A spokesman for sources operating at a sacred distance of 538 yards from the star said, "Get off of my land".

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on June 14, 04 | 12:57 am

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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.