Pop star Madonna is to add Polly as an official forename for her upcoming Re-Marketing Tour. The extra nomenclature has been adopted in light of the star's polymorphic beliefs, the latest of which - membership of the Celeberati, the Secretive Aristocratic Order of the Extremely Famous - has turned the weathered warbler's world inside out.
The Celeberati are said to believe in the modal dualities of Fame and Privacy and seek a divine lifestyle based on adulation from a great distance. Religious commentators regret to confirm that it is a far-from silent order.
Her full title will now be Our Lady Madonna, Polly Esther Riccioni, which will bring together her Italian Catholic roots, her interest in the Jewish Kabbala and her favourite form of exotic pasta, as well as the pliable, plastic contents of her soul.
A spokesman for sources operating at a sacred distance of 538 yards from the star said, "Get off of my land".
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]
Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]
New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]
HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]
Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]
Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]
Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]
Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]
The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]
"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]
About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]
New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]
K-ID Cards. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]
The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]
The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]
The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]
Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]
Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]
In Felicity Benefit [Read more]
For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.