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New Year ushers in new flag to stir youth patriotism.

The nu (new) phatphlAg(Rather good flag) - designed to get wi' da massive (be popular with the youngsters).

The UK is to respond to the decline of patriotism and election participation among the country's young people by introducing a new Union Jack especially for youth.

The phatphlAg, designed by corporate branding experts at DeBoit Donglay Interbang, uses the familiar design of the Union Jack but in a "phatta flava", according to a Government spokesperson who refused to be identified on account of his teenage son's acute embarrassment.

In an effort to further endear the national symbol to the country's junior citizens, the flag also incorporates a portion of McDonald's fries at its central axis as an "aspirational motif".

The new flag was unveiled last night in London, accompanied by the Black Eyed Peas remix of the National Anthem. For the ceremony, a 300 foot long laser display unit morphed images of the new flag into softcore pornography and back as it was towed along the River Thames - set alight especially for the occasion. The largest firework display in living history was then mounted, along with a fly-past of the Space Shuttle as bored teenagers yawned, set fire to one another and bitched about the quality of the sound system.

A spokesman for 10 Downing Street said, "Tony Blair plays the guitar you know".

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on January 05, 06 | 12:12 pm

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