The British National Party (BNP) faces a new struggle - that of living with itself - as they announce "firming-up" of their manifesto committments for the forthcoming European Parliament elections.
The Party, whose slogan is foaming at the mouth for Britain™, issued brand new policies of "disliking everyone, even ourselves" at a hastily arranged press conference in a South London bare-knuckle boxing club this morning.
"We in the British National Party would like to correct some misapprehensions you may have picked up about us while innocently watching television programmes produced by the homosocialist elite of the depraved, europhiliac broadcast media," said a BNP source as the Party's Executive Committee abandoned the notions of personal friendship to underline their new electoral position.
"A lot of people ask us what the BNP stands for. Well it's simple: we stand for nothing. You may have heard the phrase "no man is an island", but in the BNP, every man and woman is an island - a heavily-fortified, insular turf of hatred, intolerance and xenophobia," said the source, ringing a bell and adding, "seconds out, round two."
The shift in policy comes after a heated meeting where officials of the Party were forced to concede that if they were being honest, absolute intolerance was the only way forward. The party has now agreed to stop having meetings altogether as consensus and harmony were deemed "inconsistent with the Party's policies".
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
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