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New Head of MI6 moves in, but still refuses to pay rates bill.

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John Scarlett, the new head of MI6, has announced his first initiative in the Big Fight With Insurrection, by refusing to pay MI6's growing Business Rates Bill, as levied by Lambeth Borough Council.

Lambeth, who have been locked in a dispute with the secret agency since they occupied the building, say that none of their letters or final demands are answered and they'll soon have no alternative but to send in the bailliffs.

"It's appalling, but MI6 seem to be able to get away with murder", said Lambeth Finance Director, Guy Falkirk. "They keep hiding behind the curtains whenever our officers call round, which is ridiculous: we know they're in, but they just won't answer the doorbell."

MI6's cloak of secrecy is legendary - officially, the organisation does not exist but their HQ, on London's Vauxhall Bridge has been cited as conclusive proof that "you can never be too sure", according to the recent Government Report There's Nothing To Worry About, Please Continue To Exercise Your Democratic Rights By Participating in Fame Academy. (HMSO 2003)

Lambeth is set to take the organisation to court next month in a landmark case. Fears are now growing that giant hoover hoses will shortly emerge from the twin turrets of the building and vacuum the Borough into a specially adapted 7-dimensional room deep in the bowels of the building. The room was allegedly used in the past as part of an MI6 truth-bending experiment, but was abandoned in 1997 when a new press-briefing room at Number 10 was opened.

An MI6 spokesperson followed us home.

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on May 06, 04 | 12:33 pm

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