Following his award for 'writing' My Side last night at the The British Book Awards last night, David Beckham has attempted to quell speculation about texts allegedly sent to allegedly up-for-it SFX-kitten, Rebecca Loos by claiming they were penned by ghostwriter Tom Watts.
Producing a mock-up of the cover of his next book Loos the txt, Beckham once again described the rumours about Rebecca Loos as "ludicrous". He went on to play down intense media speculation about his marriage, his wife Victoria Poshspice's faltering pop career, his calf injury, his book deal and future at Real Madrid.
The 28 year old footballer went on to explain how he was not the real David Beckham after all, but a simulacra formed from Hair 23, Head 7 and Body 12 of ghostwriter Tom Watts' automaton collection.
"What can I say", said the Beckalike, "I didn't write the book, I didn't send the texts - my life is a lie. And it's all been made up by Tom 'Lofty' Watts."
Tom Watts, former actor in TV's EastEnders soap-turned sports writer, was in hiding in Phil's lock-up tonight with an arsenal of shooters. With striker Thierry Henry out of the running with a groinstrain, Arsenal don't have any shooters left to field.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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