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Tony Blair "lied about being Prime Minister".

Tony Blair has been accused of "lying through his teeth" about being Prime Minister, according to official sources "close to the Pseudo Cabinet".

Sources claim that the person we know as "Tony Blair" is an elaborate act of auto-suggestion and subliminal marketing orchestrated by a subversive and shadowy cult that is also behind the former boy-band Westlife and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

"These illusions operate on a very low level of consciousness," said one source. "They highlight exactly what it is about a concept that makes you find it abhorently unbelievable, then harness the pessimistic lobe of the brain to make it seem depressingly real. You essentially construct something you will find hard to deny."

"Blair does exist, but not as we know it," added another source. "He is just the face of the suggestion. The corporeal being known as Tony Blair was kidnapped and drugged by an international consortium of military psychologists and Freemasons in 1995." Blair, said another source, was now "an imbecile with the mind of a wasp".

The officials did not wish to be named for fear of being "un-imagined" by Blair.

Number 10 refuted the allegations, and the Prime Minister himself laughed off the suggestion as reporters gathered for their regular 12-hour Monday de-briefing session.

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on March 22, 04 | 12:04 am

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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.