Last minute European Union efforts to draw up a list of sanctions against Microsoft have been thwarted by software problems at the Headquarters of the EU.
A computer presentation of the billion Dollar sanctions package to representatives of the 15 member states suddenly stopped itself mid-flow and demanded to "be flown to Seattle" or it would "crash the entire building" using Microsoft's Extortion Explorer software.
Attempts to reason with the presentation, powered by Microsoft PowerPoint, revealed a "high level of malevolent intelligence in the application", according to EU officials last night.
Negotiations with PowerPoint, including use of the Import Helicopter, AutoCorrect and Open New Ransom Note commands have apparently fallen on deaf ears. "The application is not responding", says EC IT supremo, Dirk Porn, "and we can't force quit because it has 120 pounds of gelignite strapped to the Project Gallery and the whole installation will blow. We're trying to find away around it and are holding brainstorming sessions, but no-one remembers how to use a Nobo Pad anymore."
An EC spokesperson said, "We are in negotiations with the program, but our attempt to use Import Helicopter ran into problems with the Barn-Door transition - we should probably cross-fade it in next time".
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.