The Department of Social Scrutiny


“ your statutory rights are non-effective ”

The Previous Administration

The Previous Administration’s Complete Index is here



Gordon Brown's Budget "unfathomable nonsense", according to commentators.

Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown outlined his Budget plans last week in a two hour House of Commons speech that left pundits speculating over its exact meaning.

"Mr Brown started with a pledge to be "on target" in targetting Labour tax and spending targets," said Tony Flouride, Official Mouthpiece of the Centre for Fiscal Polarity, "and he went on to announce huge hikes in Relief for Non-Endowable Capital Pension Windows. He was talking absolute rubbish and this in itself is a tremendous step forward for UK, plc".

Raphael Osada, Soft Fruit Futures Analyst for Japanese finance house Nissan Bluebird agrees: "We were particularly pleased that Mr Brown's new Offset Pear Allowance shows a firmer grip on soft fruit generally. Our investors can now hold multiple portfolios of crushed plums under the new rules."

Crispin Underfelt, Senior Overwriter at DeBoit Donglay Interbang points to the Chancellor's announcement of new tax reliefs on the purchase of giraffes. "The new Base Rate Ceiling Threshold will enable many more to enjoy the zero-rating on these fine, tax-efficient investment creatures.

Away from reliefs and allowances, Mr Brown announced free Scotch and cigarettes in the House of Commons Bar to massive cheers. He also outlined plans to tax tax, tax sex and to kill anyone who got in his way.

"I commend this budget to the House," said Mr Brown, as he returned to his seat.

Labour members immediately ordered Tequila Slammers and went on a drinking binge that ended later in the Upper House, where Senior Ministers taunted the assembled Lords and Bishops by evacuating their bowels on the Woolsack.

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on March 21, 04 | 11:58 pm

 Send me feedback/contact me.
 Permanent link to this article
Custom Search

 

"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker

"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine

Other stories


How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]

Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]

New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]

HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]

Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]

Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]

Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]

Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]

The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]

"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]

About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]

New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]

K-ID Cards. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]

The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]

The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]

The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]

Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]

Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]

Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]

In Felicity Benefit [Read more]

For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.