An occasional column by The Voice of the Moral Right, Lady Cynthia Knuckles.
A lot of people ask me what I think about vegetarians. And I say if God had meant us to eat vegetables, He would have clearly made animals out of them. Or if that was difficult, maybe He would have made animals able to reason with us and explain why we should spare their lives. It's all I would ask from my next course - a well-thought-out argument, perhaps illustrated with OHP slides and some bullet-points on a Nobo pad, as to why I shouldn't eat them before I puncture the coat of my Creme Brulee with their laser pointer.
That's the kind of powerful argument which should make anybody feel like hunting down a gazelle and pressing a bolt gun, as the Lord intended, to its temple, squeezing the trigger and watching the light from its deep, clear, doe eyes fall away, like a butterfly caught on the event horizon of a black hole.
But vegetarianism isn't all bad: I myself have made a move towards it, in that I no longer eat animals which in turn eat other animals. But that's not good enough for these idle, feckless dandelion peddlars, hanging around in their oversized hemp jumpers at Save the Badger demonstrations and the like. It's all or nothing for them - and that's the kind of dangerous lunacy that made Hitler such a threat. Hitler was vegetarian, too.
Which is why the Moral Right is calling for the Government to crack down on these woolly do-gooders and rid our society of the anaemic and protein-deficient. They may look harmless at first glance, but they pose a serious threat to our Great British way of life. Where would this country be without its roast beef on Sundays and some kind of cooked limb every other night of the week? Where? Under the Nazi jackboot regime of spinach flan and soya sausages, that's where. The sooner the Government investigates the vegetarian militia, and their links to Al-Qaeda, the better.
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