Home Secretary Sir David Blunkett moved today against what he styled as a "threat to our national security that operates at the core of our society" in a controversial plan to "lock-up" 6000 staff at The Foreign and Commonwealth Office.
"They make no secret of their affiliations," said Sir David, "they even freely use the word 'foreign' outside the context of the official British position - that all foreigners spell trouble and will steal our jobs, wives, benefits and public services. It is for this reason, that I have ordered the detention, whipping and flaying of the Foreign Office until they can answer a series of questions on fish and chips, the rules of cricket and last night's Eastenders."
Sir David, speaking from the Panic Room of the Home Office Emergency Bunker, located under the Code Scarlet Secure Ops Room in the Serious Wing of MI5's HQ, also laughed off today's anti-Blunkett march through London. Growing unease with his reputation as an authoritarian dictator is thought to be behind the protest.
March organisers were tonight calling for the immediate release of 25,000 demonstrators who filled Trafalgar Square and were arrested under Blunkett's controversial Prevention of Demonstrations (Al Qaeda Linked To Placards) Act, recently rushed through Parliament on the back of a napkin. Police estimates of the number of demonstrators in custody was put at "around 14 or 15".
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office are to appear before the Immigration Backlash Panel tomorrow, where they will be found guilty. An application for bail was refused by Lord Justice Blunkett.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
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