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Senior Ministers found with heads stuffed up rhinoceros arse.

Government aides are signalling a "major re-shuffle" today following the loss of half the Cabinet in bizarre circumstances allegedly involving a wild Rhinoceros.

The re-shuffle could be the largest in years as the number of Ministers now linked to last night's event are growing and there are few obvious contenders for the posts up for change.

One possible solution is to merge all the Departments into a few larger "Super-Departments". Minister Without Portfolio, Sir Edward Bicycle - one of the few to emerge from the scandal without blemish - is expected to head a key Super-Department, but backbenchers will have to be groomed for power heading up less significant Ministeries such as the Department of Milk and Fish or another expected coupling - the Ministry of Trees and Weather.

Back at Downing Street, a Number 10 spokesperson continually denied rumours of the Rhinoceros incident until Met officers delivered the hapless beast to Westminster this morning in order to return a number of life peers for a crucial vote. It is understood that the Rhino was made Temporary Earl of Mercia on the Emergency Honours List and sat as a Crossbencher. It voted on two statutory instruments and an amendment to a third reading of the Hunting Bill, on which it voted against the Government.

Senior Peers were hoping that the rhino might be coaxed into a different position on the matter.

An independent official enquiry has been set up, under the direction of Lady Periwinkle of Staines, to reconstruct the hours and days that led up to the incident: her report is expected soon.

Leaked by sources close to: The Parliamentary News Service on October 17, 03 | 8:41 pm

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