Government aides are signalling a "major re-shuffle" today following the loss of half the Cabinet in bizarre circumstances allegedly involving a wild Rhinoceros.
The re-shuffle could be the largest in years as the number of Ministers now linked to last night's event are growing and there are few obvious contenders for the posts up for change.
One possible solution is to merge all the Departments into a few larger "Super-Departments". Minister Without Portfolio, Sir Edward Bicycle - one of the few to emerge from the scandal without blemish - is expected to head a key Super-Department, but backbenchers will have to be groomed for power heading up less significant Ministeries such as the Department of Milk and Fish or another expected coupling - the Ministry of Trees and Weather.
Back at Downing Street, a Number 10 spokesperson continually denied rumours of the Rhinoceros incident until Met officers delivered the hapless beast to Westminster this morning in order to return a number of life peers for a crucial vote. It is understood that the Rhino was made Temporary Earl of Mercia on the Emergency Honours List and sat as a Crossbencher. It voted on two statutory instruments and an amendment to a third reading of the Hunting Bill, on which it voted against the Government.
Senior Peers were hoping that the rhino might be coaxed into a different position on the matter.
An independent official enquiry has been set up, under the direction of Lady Periwinkle of Staines, to reconstruct the hours and days that led up to the incident: her report is expected soon.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
How to protect your data (from us) [Read more]
Peril Level Alert advice in light of Global Alarm Attitude [Read more]
New DoSS Guide: New Labour, New Pregnancy [Read more]
HMRC Security Breach: What You Can Do to Protect Yourself From Us [Read more]
Frequently Asked FAQs [Read more]
Ministry of Truth and Other Information Takes Over Education [Read more]
Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data. [Read more]
Your Money and Your Life - Part 2 [Read more]
The Notwork Rail guide to your railway station. [Read more]
"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar. [Read more]
About Your Habitat - Identity Card Application Part 6 [Read more]
New magazine goes on sale to encourage "self-expression" [Read more]
K-ID Cards. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined [Read more]
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face. [Read more]
The DoSS Guide to the National Health Service [Read more]
The DoSS Local Election Guide [Read more]
The Pensioner Appraisal Programme [Read more]
Habeas Corpus 2006 [Read more]
Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out. [Read more]
Child Identity Theft Prompts New ID Strategy [Read more]
In Felicity Benefit [Read more]
For a complete listing of DoSS, all the way back to 2004, visit The Archive.