Huge bribe secures Council decision to reject corruption.
New recommendations to combat corruption were passed unanimously at last night's meeting of the Town Council following a massive offer of money to do so from Crisis Management - the Council's finance and efficiency consultants.

Crisis Management's briefing document Back Yourself Out From Sticky Corners by Lubricating Your Staff and Greasing Your Own Palm was published last year in the wake of failed attempts to locate the physical end of ex-Councillor DeLorean's expense accounts. An expedition of accountants sent to track down the final figures of the disgraced official's books returned empty handed, though several species of small mammal and a new type of bamboo were discovered along the way by expedition biologists.

In a further change to hit the Parish Noticeboard, the man who looks after the drawing pins now wants Mondays off and wishes to work on Thursdays and Fridays instead. After a marathon debate, lasting 12 hours, the council agreed having reached a decision without the aid of financial sweeteners or inducements of any kind.
posted by Trepanning Town Council at 1:09 AM

Website Announcement

You may notice some disruption to website service next weekend, as the Town Council is moving the entire site over to new hosts. This may mean that we disappear for a day or two and your browser will temporarily be unable to find us. This process will start at 12:01AM BST Friday Night/Saturday Morning and it may take up to 48 hours. Our aim is to minimise disruption as much as possible. Thanks for your patience. We should be back by 8AM BST on Monday. See you on the other side.
posted by Trepanning Town Council at 1:23 AM

Knocker Benbow and the Knights of the Multi-Storey Car Park
Which Craft?
Country crafts and old stories with Morwenna Smith.

The ghost of Knocker Benbow often spent the night out on Fickle Fields or Dot Common howling at the top of his unearthly voice to unsettle them foreigners who would otherwise invade the tiny town and buy all the property for themselves to live in at the weekends. He issued such a fearsome an' wounded howl he would sometimes scare the Ravens from their nests and put the fear of Kevin into every living thing. Nobody ever came near to buying a second home - not because of Knocker, mind - but 'e took all the credit anyways.

One night, walking the shallow marshy vale of the Tigris, Knocker howled so ugly, a 1960s proper-job four storey concrete car park grew from the ground all torn open by his unpleasant tone.

Upon the top-storey of the monstrosity sat twelve knights with magical powers who were honour bound to protect their new castle from invaders. Over the course of the night they replaced those parts of their castle they deemed insecure. Out went the automatic barriers, in went the moat, drawbridge and remotely operated spikes that could skewer a BMW 7 series and its driver. Over the side went the Pay and Display ticket machine and in came the Impale and Display system that made an example of any marauding motorist who would dare to challenge the Knights in search of affordable offstreet parking.

Many years later, nobody uses the Fickle Fields Multi-Storey on account of all the exit and entry roads being removed after a fleet of Vauxhall Astras took the Knights by surprise. The Knights are victorious and Knocker has learnt a valuable lesson: Strangers won't come at all if there isn't enough cheap car parking available.
posted by Morwenna at 9:51 AM