"It may take 7-14 days to put out a fire".

A few years ago, I worked in an office in north London. One day, I happened to look out of my window and noticed a small plume of smoke curling from the litter bin in the smokers’ courtyard. A small fire had developed which looked as though it could easily spread to nearby bushes.

Feeling that calling the fire brigade would be somewhat over-zealous, I rang the Facilities Management department. They asked me a series of questions about the nature of my request and then suggested calling the fire brigade. I explained that it wasn’t really necessary and that a member of Facilities could quite easily put it out. They informed me that in order to proceed with that course of action, I would need to raise an online work request. Before abruptly hanging up, they assured me that an engineer would be able to resolve the problem within 7 -14 days.

I put it out with a glass of water.

"Chris"

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 Britain: What A State

The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.

Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.

Britain: What A State

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