The latest part of its Identity Cards Initiative, About Your Habitat will collect details about where you live in order to plan the best route to follow you home.
The forms add a twist to the previous techniques of claimant oppression and data-gathering: that of reverse psychology. The new form actively denies claimants the ability to answer questions, by blanking out fields, so promoting a sense of thwarted longing to provide the data willingly.
A team of eminent philosophers will now be subpoenaed to read the forms using complex reasoning techniques and recreational pharmaceuticals.
The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.
Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.
"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny.
Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine
"Keep All Your Old Skin in a Jar", Says Biometric Fraud Tsar.
About You: Your brand new Identity Card form.
Blunkett orders his own detainment as ID card law introduced.
Browse our ID card and tax forms.
Child Identity Theft Proposals Outlined
Ethical values - what you must tell the Government.
Government Shelves Id Cards, Introduces Ego Cards Instead
ID Cards "Will Not Lead to an Orwellian Nightmare", Says Citizen 447T/236496QH-Delta
Identity Cards: Part 3 - Biometric data.
Kids' Identity Theft Counter-Measures Roll Out.
UK Identity Card help issued.
Do you have a horrifying tale of mean-spirited paper-pushing bureaucracy at the hands of a company, council or government department? We'd like to hear about it. [Tell us more]