When Longshore Drift Goes Bad

Scientists say that runaway Longshore Drift could dislodge Northern England and Scotland when the land formed butts up against the north coast of East Anglia and has nowhere else to go.

The dislodged landmass could knock the Outer Hebrides sideways and spin Ireland on its axis.

Structural geologists will have to tie the banks of the Humber River together and tighten up the Humber Road Bridge to keep Northern England from tearing off altogether.

 Britain: What A State

The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.

Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.

Britain: What A State

"Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain." Charlie Brooker
"If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up." Sunday Telegraph Magazine