Daily Mirror photos genuine, "newspaper fake", concur media experts.

Daily Mirror staff were in shock last night as a specially convened panel of media experts declared the entire paper's content as "bogus", except last Saturday's photographs of Iraqi prisoners being tortured.

The newspaper, edited by Piers Morgan, apparently caught the world of Media Studies unaware. Professor of Unecessarily Deep Semiotic Analysis, Dido Blackthorn, was woken from a four-year meditation on Baudrillard to assemble a "crack team of thinkers and luminaries" to deal with the revelations.

"It only came up on the media studies radar because of that story", said Symbolic Chairman Gray Routledge, "we didn't even know it existed until then and certainly didn't see it as a valid news source. But it seems as though this was a blip and the rest of the paper is utter twaddle. Semiotically speaking, of course."

Gary Sinus, Lecturer in Polymorphic Psychology, agrees. "The danger with the Mirror is in it's own sense of self-denial. They take so many stands against what they are plainly for, it could be that Piers Morgan has simply been making a big enough arse of himself over the years so that the whole paper can disappear up it when they run a real story. That's my psychological assessment of the facts as they are presented to us in the media discourse. For ever and ever, no returns."

Parliament is set for an announcement on the matter this afternoon by a Junior Minister too insignificant to name.

 Britain: What A State

The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.

Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.

Britain: What A State

�Thank God: a book that's both clever and funny. Deserves a place on the lap of every comedy fan in Britain.� Charlie Brooker
�If you wince at the word 'benchmark', this neat parody could be just the thing to cheer you up.� Sunday Telegraph Magazine