I slept with David Beckham, claims Victoria Beckham.

In an astonishing twist in the continuing media saga of the Beckhams' private lives, Victoria Beckham has made a startling claim to have slept with her husband.

The couple, whose busy lives preclude them from meeting without the benefit of jet-lag, are thought to have met in a secret underground cavern halfway between Madrid and their country mansion in England. It is there that Victoria is claiming to have slept with soccer star David without the couple's separate teams of publicists and fixers on hand.

Victoria, unable to verify her movements via the tabloids, is said to have become disoriented and even released pop videos of herself rolling around in her underwear to see if she could reclaim the lost hours. It was only after the Sarah Marbeck and Rebecca Loos stories surfaced that she remembered where she was on the night of the "Tunnel of Love" incident.

UK tabloid Editor Brian Gruntslob reacted angrily to the suggestion that the Beckhams had any aspect of their lives in total privacy. While being filmed for the Channel 4 documentary "The Front of the Man Behind the Women Under Beckham", Gruntslob said that he could "conclusively account for every moment of their lives" and, such was the power of the press, had even been able to film inside Victoria Beckham for four hours last week before being detected by security guards patrolling the perimeter gates.

 Britain: What A State

The Department of Social Scrutiny's guide to your entire life in Britain. Includes all necessary tax and identity card application forms and a full guide to the British public transport system, as officially sanctioned by Notwork Rail.

Plus: New retirement guide "Are You Alright, Dear", handy graduated tea strength colour matching chart and official guidelines for the consumption of cake, biscuits and other snacks served at ambient room temperature.

Britain: What A State

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